Recovering Couples: Couple # 2

Katie thought her recovery was going well and decided to celebrate another sobriety birthday. She felt connected with her partner and loved her nightly  AA meetings. Katie finally felt happiness and seemed to think that happiness was a possibility in her life. As Katie recovery progressed in a positive way, her relationship with Jim seemed to fall apart. In recent months, they stopped going out on dates, and doing activities all together that they used to do. They felt tension and silence would always become heavy when they were around each other. When they did try to talk, they ended up arguing. Now Katie and Jim just avoid each other all together.

What should Katie and Jim do in this situation?

How can they fix their situation?

Navarra, D. B. (2012). Recovering Couples: How to Develop a Deeper Friendship with Your Partner . Retrieved from Couples in Addiction Recovery: http://bobnavarra.wordpress.com/

Recovering Couples: Couple #1

David is a recovering addict and has been all week trying to stay sober. He drove home from his AA meeting excited about an awareness that opened up new insights into why it has been difficult to stay sober all week. As he walked in through the front door, his partner Alice said to him" About time you got home, what a day I had with the kids. Alan needs a bath." David silently felt resentful and shrugged his shoulders and said "OK", and walked past his partner to tend to his son.

What should these couples do in this situation? How can they fix this situation?

Comments are always welcomed!

Navarra, D. B. (2012). Recovering Couples: How to Develop a Deeper Friendship with Your Partner . Retrieved from Couples in Addiction Recovery: http://bobnavarra.wordpress.com/

How To Develop A Deep Friendship With Your Partner

Every family begins with the relationship between the parents, this relationship is the basic foundation of support for each parent and how he or she deals with challenges in life (Brooks).  When your partner makes the decision to become sober, it is important to restore the foundation of support that you once had.  Forming trust and positive feelings into your relationship contribute to the psychological quality of resilience, which helps you as a couple to function effectively and achieve good outcomes when going through the recovery process (Brooks).

Friendship is an important part of developing and maintaining an intimate relationship.  When one spouse is an addict it can be difficult sometimes to find the right way to address recovery issues in the relationship. One way to address recovery issues is to listen to one another and acknowledge their feelings.

 There are 3 ways in which to help each other cope and improve your relationship:

1. Help each other adjust to the changes taking place in the relationship on a daily bases

2. Explore options and way to support your partners recovery without taking responsibility for it

3. Find a way to talk about how each of you are feeling and being affected by the addiction and the impact it has had on them mentally and in the relationship- without blame or judgement

Brooks, Jane. Process of Parenting. 4. New York: McGraw-Hill, Print

Navarra, D. B. (2012). Recovering Couples: How to Develop a Deeper Friendship with Your Partner . Retrieved from Couples in Addiction Recovery: http://bobnavarra.wordpress.com/

Alcoholism: Helping Families Cope with Living with a Alcoholic

This video is about helping families who are living with a partner who is an alcoholic

Here are a three key aspects that will help you understand your situation more clearly:

1-You are not the cause of your partners alcoholism-It's not your fault that they drink. 

2-You can't control your partners drinking problem. Realize that all of the things you have tried to this point have not stopped them from drinking. Your spouse is not going to change until they hit rock bottom, therefore you are the one who will have to make changes. :You can have to learn how to change your attitude if your in it for the long run.

3-You cannot cure your partners alcoholism

There are also three things that you can try in order to find comfort and peace of mind while coping with your partners problem:

1-Stop obsessing over your partners behaviors

2-Refuse to argue with your partner- Just remember it takes two people to fight. Remove yourself from the the situation and you will have more peace.

3-Make plans to do things with friends-This will help you get a breather from what is going on and also time for yourself.

Finally, Learn as much as you can about how to live with your partner who is a alcoholic. Just know that you can spend the rest of your life with your partner, whether they are an alcoholic or not. The most important thing in order to survive this obstacle in your life is that you first decide to make changes in your life. (Alcoholic's Friend)

More information can be found on:

Alcoholism Help-Family Support For Alcoholics

Alcoholic's Friend. (2012). Alcoholism Help-Family Support For Alcoholics. Retrieved from Alcoholic's Friend: Helping You Cope With Alcoholics: http://alcoholicsfriend.com/

Help From Community Agencies

Often when we try to cope with something, especially a parent's partner is recovering from addiction, we need to understand that asking for help is one of the best things we can do. When recognizing and determining that an intervention is necessary, specialists can "help parents and children reach out to social agencies and social structures such as schools and community organizations to get support to enable the family to cope." (Brooks) There are different organizations that offer in-home training and modeling of appropriate care-giving. These organizations also help the parents develop effective problem-solving skills. The resources are there for these struggling parents, they just have to take action and ask for help.

Brooks, Jane. Process of Parenting. 8. New York: McGraw-Hill, Print

Tell Us Your Story

Please share with us your personal experience with your recovering addict partner.

How the Family Can Support a Recovering Addict

Getting a family member the treatment they need is the most important step, but family assistance and support should never stop with the end of rehab, and when family member who is an addict is re-entering into the home and into the community. Family help and support is the most important factor in the ability of the recovering addict to maintain their sobriety.

There are some things that the family can do to decrease the chance of relapse, and convincing the family member to get the help they need is a great first step to recovery

1. Get educated and get involved
2. Stay sober with the recovering addict
3.  Help to reduce stress in the recovering addicts life
4. Don’t let a relapse happen
5.  The family needs to take care of itself as it takes care of the family member who is an addict

For more details about the 5 key aspects to support a recovering addict visit:

How the Family Can Support a Recovering Addict

Choose Help. (2012). How the Family Can Support a Recovering Addict. Retrieved from Choose Help: http://www.choosehelp.com/recovery/how-the-family-can-support-a-recovering-addict